What does it look like when it's real? July 16, 9: I am currently in individual therapy to deal with personal stuff and have recently agreed with prompting by my therapist to participate in group therapy specific to dating and relationships. My first question is "What does healthy mature dating look like as an older person when you are more likely to carry your own baggage and encounter dating prospects with their own share of emotional baggage that they may or may not have dealt with so far?
Note that I'm not saying, never date anyone with baggage.
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- Stage One: Meeting.
I'm saying, the healthier you get the easier it will be to recognize which people are dealing with their baggage, and which people are not. Liking who you get to be with that person. Feeling good about yourself when you're with them and without them. Wanting but not consumed by thoughts of them, or you, or the 'us' of it all.
Stage One: Meeting
It's a delight, not an obsession. They add to your life and it's clear what you add to theirs. All the rest is just details, but they should amount to this. I guess you need to differentiate between dating and a relationship. To me, healthy dating is where both parties feel safe, have mutual interests, a physical attraction, have fun, and go home with their self-respect intact. Relationships are more complex, take longer to develop, and no two are much alike.
Stage Two: Dating
If a prospective dating partner has obvious baggage that they haven't dealt with they probably aren't someone to consider dating. Everyone has baggage, and I think you are right that the old people get the more likely it is that they will have baggage, but how people manage and deal with their baggage is the most important aspect. Healthy chemistry is really relationship specific. In broad terms, a healthy chemistry should include something where both people feel as though their life is improved by being with that person, the relationship brings them more joy and happiness than stress and upset, that it is reciprocal, that it is respectful, and it is based upon deeper things than just the physical.
For me it was a constant feeling of surprise that a particular quirk of mine there were several that had, in the past, made people cock their heads in confusion or even distaste, was not only acceptable but delightful to the other person.
Spotlight on the Five Stages of Dating
In other words, they didn't just accept who I was, they really really liked who I was. The other part, again for me , was someone who was self-directed and did not expect me to push them, guide them, or clean up after them. I almost cancelled at the last minute. In fact, he looked kind of relieved.
He kissed me on the cheek and stroked my upper arm at the same time.
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Our eyes kept meeting and lingering, while we talked about work and cinema and a hundred things that led on from that. If I became a little manic, treating him to a perhaps overly frank emotional CV, and telling funny stories in rapid fire, that was OK. Shall we have another beer? By my reckoning we had five, spread over three hours, with lots of tacos and ceaseless talking, most of that admittedly mine. And then we split the bill, and went out on to the street, and he hailed me a cab, and kissed me on the mouth, and said: Meeting your lover is only the first stage of dating.
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Do you know what stage you're in after dating for a month? What about 4 months of dating? When you recognize what stage of dating your relationship is in, you'll understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage toward a healthy committed relationship.
The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating.
What does it look like when it's real? - dating intimacy baggage | Ask MetaFilter
For some people, it may take a couple of meetings, perhaps about one month of dating, to determine if they want to date a particular person. What is needed here is to come across as someone who is interesting and fun to be with after dating for a month. After two people decide they want to spend time together in a dating context, usually after about 1 month of dating or perhaps 2 months into a relationship, they embark on stage two.
Stage two is the romantic stage and usually lasts for two to three months. There's no 3 month rule for dating that says you have to be at this stage, but many couples are.
This is what to expect 2 months dating or more:. What is needed during this stage is to understand that without the infatuation stage , a relationship could not move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up.
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Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive.