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Lonely? Stop Looking for a New Dating App and Do this Instead - Johnny & Lara
Let's get the obvious out of the way here. There are some high-end dating sites that actually check for criminal backgrounds before allowing people to sign up. At Women Behind Bars, the criminal background is the only prerequisite. This means most dudes will find themselves way in over their innocent little heads, no matter how tough they make themselves out to be on their MySpace page.
But believe it or not, it gets more ominous than that. Look through the profiles on Women Behind Bars and you'll notice a disturbing trend. Most of the ladies And they have release dates to match. But as "luck" would have it, the handful that happen to be kind of attractive also happen to be getting out soon. In some cases, real soon. Now would be a good time to mention a fun fact about Women Behind Bars: If you're bright enough to strike up a budding love affair with an inmate, you ARE the type that will fall in love in a couple of months. Find yourself face to face with the pound prison- tattooed she-beast who posted the fake picture on Women Behind Bars and is now standing at your door.
Members are sent adhesive labels to apply to their car windows. These labels have the Motodate. When a woman's potential suitor and likely abductor sees her in traffic, all he has to do is remember that four digit code until he gets home or, more likely, to the public library, and head to Motodate.
If you're a dude that happens to think you're hot enough that chicks will actually regret not flagging you down in rush hour traffic, putting one of these labels on your window will have but one result.
- Signup for NoLongerLonely.com.
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You will look like a conceited douchebag. This is a step away from airbrushing a photo of your abs above the words, "Which of you bitches wants it? For the women, we've already discussed the unwanted serial killer attention aspect. But if there's one thing attractive women don't need any help with, it's getting harassed by pervs in traffic.
If you think that's the girl of your dreams sitting in traffic with the Motodate sticker on her car, rest assured, that four digit code is eventually going to tell you something you really didn't want to know. Don't say we didn't warn you, Romeo. On the bright side, it's absolutely free! Register, fill out your profile, upload a photo, go nuts! Sorry, poor choice of words there.
But really, there isn't much to how it works. It's a pretty standard dating site.
It's once you start meeting people that, presumably, things get more interesting. Don't get us wrong, it would be more than awesome if scientists discovered that when two crazy people mated, each person's crazy canceled out the other person's crazy thus rendering both of them uncrazy. If that was the case, NoLongerLonely. Unfortunately, our extensive experience with suicide cults and supervillain cabals indicates that it doesn't work that way.
Generally, when you put crazy in the room with more crazy, you get a sort of multiplication of the crazy that winds up creating a whole clown shit-and-bananas flavored milkshake, greater than the sum of its just regular parts. So with that in mind, it's hard to imagine how this site is a good idea for anyone.
If you had a mental illness, would someone else with the same problem really be the best dating option?
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But forgetting that for a moment, what happens when people without mental illness start popping up on NoLongerLonely. What happens when some lonely soul has no luck on regular dating sites and decides that maybe the vulnerable-minded ladies of NoLongerLonely might make for easier pickings? No need to answer that.
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We know what happens. Finally, someone levels the playing field. Now maybe it won't just be short dudes scoring with the ladies for a change.
The online dating site designed for people with mental illness
On the surface, Tallmingle. But if you read the comments section of Cracked's daily articles, and you should because they're often every bit as hilarious as the articles themselves , then you're already familiar with Tallmingle.
For those of you unaware, Tallmingle. So what does that have to do with you and your love life? Well before you go to Tallmingle looking for the Ralph Sampson to match your Hakeem Olajuwon, consider this. When you visit a dating site, you would like to think that it's run by people with expertise in the area of attraction, right? Well here is what the folks at Tallmingle. Neil Clark Warren, eHarmony founder, infrequent Cracked comment spammer.