I'm pretty bad at it too. Unfortunately, I feel like getting past the small talk stage is a big part of successful online dating. I have used OK Cupid on and off over the last few years but have never made it past the online small talk. I know some people would suggest meeting IRL quickly but the thought of that terrifies me. If I can't make it past the small talk stage with you online, how the hell am I going to be able to do it IRL? My biggest fear is sitting across from someone I guess basically I am looking for tips from fellow shy people or introverts out there.
Online Dating For Introverts
How do you successfully make it past the small talk stage? High specificity, you won't have to do small talk. Topics of mutual interest, or even topics you don't have special interest in, but have enough insight to get your date to talk about them questions, what ifs, how abouts, etc.
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Get good at recognizing people you'd have high affinity with. This is, however, not exempt from trial and error, like most other things. That's just part of dating. I've been in that exact awkward situation on a coffee date. But hey it was probably as awkward for her as it was for me. It was also a learning experience, and at least I tried. You never know if you will hit it off with someone, so give it a try. Might help to tell the other person you are shy and take a bit of time to open up. So they know where you stand and what to expect. How did you get past the awkward pause?
Did you rack your brain for something Or did you just end the date there at the pause?
Want to add to the discussion?
I did go into a brief panic. We had already talked for nearly an hour, so I figured we better wrap up, guess she had the same idea "I better get going I realized later that I haven't actually thought of how, or when, to end a date. Those awkward pauses offer the perfect opportunity to wrap it up. I thought meeting someone who is basically a stranger was terrifying.
I prefer to chat on okc for a few days and then meet. A LOT of red flags come up in that time. Once you meet you should know a few topics to talk about - their family, their work, common interests. It's not quite small talk because you are actually using this information to get to know each other.
All you have to keep in mind is that people love talking about themselves and their interests if you seem interested with them. The key is picking up on social cues on whether or not they want to share that particular information or not with you. So start out with the generics and see if you can relate to any of the responses, such as hobbies, movie genres, jobs, sports, games, food, tv shows, etc. Find something you know about and ask them what they thought about it, if they like or dislike it, etc.
What you want to do is build rapport and a sense of "oh this person wants to know about me". Pauses are ok and natural as long as you keep it so. Talk slowly, think before you say, and practice with yourself. I'm mildly introverted but the appearance of this is exaggerated by the fact that I have social anxiety. Literally every first date, new meetup group or networking event I am nervous almost to the point of vomiting.
However, when I go I almost never regret it. Most people are great when you give them a chance. So I'm going to suggest asking to meet in real life after dates to avoid wasting each other's time if there is no in-person chemistry. If you're like me you will arrive terrified, heart thumping, stomach churning. For the first twenty minutes you're talking fast unsure if you're making much sense I can rarely remember what I said in these first twenty minutes. But by the time the coffees are finished you've already made enough of a connection that you don't want the date to end.
My expectations of dating and the dating world went wayyy low.
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I used to be a hopeless romantic. Eventually I did come full circle, and grew to understand that it is just one of those things and I learned to block out all the bad and appreciate the good. However the thing I have found with online dating is that the men I connect with always want to put me in the friend zone.
There is often no sense of a romantic or even sexual desire. He should want to kiss me as much as he wants to talk to me.
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I totally agree with all of you. Online dating for me has been a disaster as well. I recently met somone in person, at work. We have been talking a lot and decided that maybe if I was gonna make the move and meet his family he would get his feelings for me back… but this is only a test.. Makes it sooooo hard to meet people even with all the efforts in the world. It seems like nobody likes introverted people like us. Now, I was thinking that meeting another introvert might help… but then, how can we start talking if none of us is able to warm up?
Basically, I have, like probably most of the introverted people, once in my life tried to change and become extroverted…. I always come back as an introverted and it seems like I always come back as a stronger introverted. We suffer a lot even tho we enjoy lonely time, we are constanly looking for that other person that could complet us.
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We want to be love as well and love someone that we can care about. Often I think of finding a great girl that would fit my personality, but I have yet to meet her. The more I try to figure the puzzle out, the more it difficult it becomes. You should write something like this on your profile. The women who appreciate honesty will adore you! I found this while searching for dating sites for introverts. Look, if someone as good looking as you not flirting, just saying is having to go to pofs and what not, it tells me that average joes like me wont get much joy from online thingy.
Online Dating For Introverts - Introvert Spring
I have made a commitment to go up to ladies and just talk. For an average joe to to look attractive. And then, Where did you go? Do you like Scrabble? Do you prefer pizza or steak? I am a 45 year old woman who was left by my husband to raise our reignites on my own. This does not make me think men are inherently bad or selfish, but that some people are imperfect and selfish.
You have to watch for red flags, be smart, and stick to what you want, whatever that may be. You should feel complete already for who you are. Love your kids, friends, family, job, God. Just be happy with what life has given you. And let go of anger from past relationships- it holds you back. Yes, you can find love, acceptance, and comfort within friends and family but it is not the same love that is given and taken from a mate. There is nothing wrong with feeling incomplete without a lover. This does not mean that you are a flawed, weak, unhealthy, or physiologically damaged.
We by nature long for a mate. And if you are longing for something as life impacting as a husband or wife then you will feel incomplete without it. We long for an intimate conversation and connection that only a mate can give. I also tried several dating sites and I find them very useful in terms of practice. Just recently on https: He was able to adjust his behavior a little bit, which gave him the edge to succeed in it.
You can be a little bit different out there and with the help of dating site he now dating, which is a great news cause its his first girlfriend. I have just now realized that my failure at online dating is likely related to being introverted. I get all excited, go onto the dating website knowing that I have tons of messages waiting for me, I tell myself that now I have time so I can dedicate myself to meeting some men.
I respond to my messages, and I am exhausted… Then I avoid the site for weeks because men have already responded way too quickly, and I freak out about dealing with small talk for long enough to respond back.
Hi guys, I am on pof, paid for Zoosk and on tinder. I have met up with several guys but no spark at all from my side.