One moment you might feel as though you love someone so intensely that you want to spend your life with them. But I believe that with a better understanding of the condition and its implications for the person managing it, this can be easier. I live with BPD every day. This is what I wish everybody knew about it. As you might understand, a serious mental disorder can be incredibly distressful. People with BPD are often very anxious, particularly about how we are perceived, whether we are liked, and in expectation of being abandoned.
Please Don’t Misunderstand Me Because I Have Borderline Personality Disorder
This can lead to frantic behavior in order to avoid this anticipated abandonment. Pushing loved ones away in a preemptive strike can often seem like the only way to avoid getting hurt. Behavior like this in any relationship can be hurtful and alienating, but it is done so out of fear and desperation, not maliciousness.
The cause of that fear is very often trauma. There are different theories about how personality disorders develop: It could be genetic, environmental, related to brain chemistry, or a mixture of some or all. I know my condition has its roots in emotional abuse and sexual trauma. My fear of abandonment started in childhood and has only worsened in my adult life. That means I find it very difficult to trust. That means I lash out when I think someone is betraying me or deserting me. That means I use impulsive behavior to try and fill the emptiness I feel — be it by spending money, through alcohol binges, or self-harm.
All of this means that being close to me can be extremely hard. When things go wrong, no matter how small they really are, I am prone to thinking that suicide is the only option. I have literally been the girl who tries to kill herself after a break-up. I understand that to some people this can look like manipulation. I know all of this, and I do understand how it looks. The thing is, I might do all of those things.
I might cry because you became friends with a pretty girl on Facebook. BPD is hyperemotional, erratic, and irrational. Being constantly worried, fearful, and suspicious is exhausting. Given lots of us are also healing from trauma at the same time makes that even harder. It just makes us more vulnerable and scared.
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- Women With Traits of BPD - Why Men Stay?
We know that, too. For a lot of us, what helps us keep going is the hope that things will get better for us. Are these people good or bad by character? And now that l figured out so much about her, would it b wise to tell and possibly help this guy? I suppose she knows her problem as her major is psychiatry still doing her residency. Rohit, these are very complex questions, but I will do my best to answer as simply as I can. Women on the spectrum of BPD are neither victims that we should pity nor are they evil monsters. They have the same morals that the average person has.
However, their lack of experience and skill at regulating their emotions leaves them unable to control their negative impulses. This belief can cause too much shame for them to express remorse even if they are feeling it. They usually do not despise everyone around them. Instead they vacillate between idealizing and devaluing others.
So sometimes they adore various people and sometimes they despise them. As your ex is in a residency that would preclude her if her condition was exposed, chances are she is in considerable denial about her problem. Telling someone she knows that you think she has a mental condition could lead to a smear campaign, so it might be safest to let her old boyfriend research her problem on his own. Thank you for your article. This sounds exactly like the situation I have been going through for the last 2 years.
Women Who Feel Too Much
My health has been the worst its ever been and I just try to do more and more in hopes that she would see my effort and love. I just gave up romantic love after getting involved with a woman with strong BPD traits. Also, it saddens me to observe that the average western woman turns her back to nice guys so she can sleep around with bad and narcissistic guys in her teens and early twenties. When she realizes that she wants more than wild sex and that her looks are not that attractive anymore, she turns to the naive, sexually inexperienced nice, and eventually economically wealthy nice guy.
At this point, she is more used than a public toilet possibly carrying a handful of STDs.
➤➤ Dating someone with borderline personality disorder reddit
Henry, I find any comparisons of a woman to a public toilet to be offensive and degrading. So this is a long story. I stumbled across your site in a moment of googling desperation I suppose. I have been with a woman, recently diagnosed with BPD a couple of months ago. We have been together for just over a year. She has a 12 year old son. For the first few months she was very kind and loving towards me.
I suppose I suffer from this nice guy syndrome. I am nearing 40 with no children myself, and have had a mentally ill mother diagnosed with schizophrenia since I was 3. At first she was very attentive and understanding, and I made what i thought was a real effort at bonding with her son. He is a very smart and wise boy beyond his years and I firmly believe I made a positive difference in his life.
I really like him and I know that we connected. But he had been developing a bit of a rebellious streak, no more so than I think many boys at his age go through. However she was not able to process this. She became increasingly agitated towards him, sometimes having physical altercations with him, and saying some very mean things to him.
Wherein a person becomes only bad in her eyes and there is no convincing her otherwise. She was raised in foster care, and subjected to sexual abuse as a child. I was only made aware of this recently.
The Nice-Guy/Borderline Connection
She also became increasingly volatile towards me as well. Especially when I would occasionally defend his recent behaviours which were no more egregious than forgetting to do the dishes, or coming home later than his curfew. I was always careful to support her in her attempts to discipline him and keep him on track, even though at times I felt it was extreme. He is a good hearted kid, which is partially a testament to her efforts to provide him with a good community and support.
I guess I really thought I was dealing with a strong woman, who despite her struggles made every effort to raise her boy, without a father in the picture. That said, one morning, after she had been outside in the yard drinking, after a confrontation with him, and he and I were both sleeping. She decided to attempt suicide. She injected herself with an overdose of some medication she had been given for eczema. I woke up to her seizing in bed. She spent the next month in the psych ward. I looked after him during this time while the doctors assessed her.
I spent every night working with him on his homework and his teacher thanked me for whatever I was doing to motivate him.
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She was released with her BPD diagnosis, And within a week she was attacking him again.