The couple also found they were maintaining two apartments — cleaning, paying bills and buying food — and decided it was time to move into one place. There are a lot of great reasons to move in with your significant other. Some are emotional — you want to spend more time together and support one another. There are also many financial benefits — shared rent and groceries and getting rid of the time and expense of commuting to see each other.
Before you start cruising rental apartment ads on Craigslist, there are some steps that could save you some time, money and stress before the move. So much about moving is about the stuff in our lives. That could be the most costly mistake you make. Plus, all that stuff is going to need to fit into the new place.
Can Moving Out Actually Help Save Your Relationship?
Will there be room to put them away until you can sort through it? Will keeping everything force you to rent a larger apartment than you can really afford? The next question is: This might be an easy decision if you both live in studio apartments and what you really need is a two-bedroom. Talk about your must-haves. Sometimes the decision whether to go or stay might have less to do with the actual apartment and more to do with achieving a shared sense of ownership and starting a new chapter in the relationship.
Johanna, 30, was living in a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan when she and her boyfriend decided to move in together. Even though he already had a two-bedroom apartment in the city, they wanted to start fresh and rented a new two-bedroom that ended up costing about the same as renting separately. David adds that starting fresh not only gives couples more freedom to choose square footage that works for all of their stuff, but also provides a clean slate to create a uniform interior design with a consistent look and feel both people agree on.
Now is the time to ask yourself if that huge desk you found at a garage sale is really worth the extra cost to keep it. For Johanna, moving in with her boyfriend meant getting rid of a few pieces of large furniture, like her dresser, because their new place has more closet space than her current apartment.
Avoid delaying your decision to get rid of items just to see whether it might fit in the new apartment.
Moving in together: How soon is too soon?
Letting go of stuff can be painful, but it can also be liberating. Think of it as making room for a new life with your partner. I just want to figure out a place where the boxes can be out of sight but still accessible. The mountain of books Anna had accumulated as an English undergraduate and now a composition and rhetoric graduate student once covered the floor of their apartment, prompting Aaron to suggest she get rid of half of them.
Anna balked at the suggestion.
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We can downsize that. The couple solved the problem by renting a storage space.
Since they live in a loft with high ceilings, they took advantage of the vertical space with shelves Aaron built to house the books and artwork. The result is an impressive, custom-built wall unit that shows off the height of the room and displays their books and artwork. Sara and Brad found that by getting creative with storage they too were able to keep more of their stuff. She says the only real issue was trying to fit their clothes into the closet of their one-bedroom apartment. Sharing a space is all about compromise and communication.
If it turns out they want to keep it, offer suggestions about how to find space with a bit of reorganization or creative storage solutions. One of the best ways to steer clear of conflict, though, is to bring in a third party like Moveline to help decide what to keep, what to toss and how to do it as painlessly as possible.
That's just the tip of the iceberg of what a Moveline Move Captain can do; in fact, as this husband and wife team assert with a laugh, "Moveline saves marriages! Some people may feel a loss of privacy and control of their individual finances, creating tension in the relationship. Again, communication is key.
As soon as possible, sit down and address fears and worries about money. Talk about what you can afford and decide how to pay shared expenses. Willoughby recommends setting aside time to have a talk with your partner where you lay out your complete financial picture: Some things your partner might be more than willing to give up, but others not so much. Doug Heddings, founder of Heddings Property Group in Manhattan, says that once couples decide how large an apartment to rent based on what they can afford, the next step is to figure out how much each person is going to contribute because, often, one person makes more money than the other.
Willoughby says fair does not always mean equal when two people make unequal salaries; there are different arrangements couples can make so that each person pays their fair share of living expenses. A few years ago, Sara was in another relationship and was living alone in a studio apartment.
Can Moving Out Actually Help Save Your Relationship?
They decided to move in together to help cut expenses. Any time he purchased anything for the house, he would put it on this spreadsheet. One day he came to me and said I owed him half. For many couples, moving in together seems like the obvious, cost-efficient next step for their relationship: You save money on bills, have someone to help out when bulbs and vents need changing, and you get to hang out with your best bud every night. Far too often, though, couples slide into cohabitation. That lack of forethought can have a huge negative impact on the relationship later; studies have shown an increased risk of divorce and marital dissatisfaction for couples who move in before making a clear mutual commitment to each other.
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Worried that you and your partner may be moving in together too soon? Below, relationship therapists share six signs that you need to press pause on your move-in plans. Sorry, couples of a mere three months: Will we eventually have kids and how will we raise them?