With a gorgeous picture I took of him I'm a photographer.
We are not in the US, so I won't post his username here. Please read this http: It is an important observation though, that these people are often hiding in plain sight. My dad was the same way. As far as the outside world was concerned, he shit rainbows and was among the greatest people on earth. He was everyone's favorite teacher. Outstanding member of the community. The facade was gone as soon as he stepped through the door every day, he would resume being verbally and physically abusive, cheated on my mother multiple times, drank heavily.
He once paraded around in the front yard with a shotgun when my mother threatened to take us and leave. I often wondered why he lived so far away from the school district he taught in and why he didn't just teach at one of the local schools we went to , but after a while I realized it was just another way to keep his public and private life separate.
That said, the same skills that make these people able to lead a double life also make people good leaders, politicians, etc. Even so, I can't help but be forever suspicious of the unusually charismatic, I immediately start wondering what they're hiding. I'm glad you were able to get away from that and that you sought out therapy. Most people could use some help to get past these experiences.
I'm sorry you had to grow up with such a dad, and experience all of this as a child! How terrible this must have been. Yes, but the thing is we don't want a good leader at home, we want a good partner, or a good father. Glad you had the strength to escape that relationship. I'm in a nearly 20 year marriage to someone with who I suspect is a BP, with no real idea what to do about it. Surviving 20 years of confusion and abuse? This website has helped me tremendously http: And a forum full of sympathetic people, ready to provide advice and support.
This is an intense story and I literally got chills when you mentioned his reaction when you confronted him. I've been in the presence of people who break from reality and it's scary, even if you don't fear for your safety. I'm glad you got out of that! That said, I feel the need to temper this by saying that, of course, this isn't something new or a product of online dating.
I suppose people like him are able to really exploit the internet to engage with more people, but I don't think using online dating increases someone's risk of ending up in a relationship like this by too much. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm open to feedback from others.
So the chance of bumping into one is much higher. I was thinking of my dad from beginning to end. He has been married twice now, and is very, very verbally abusive. His first divorced was in , when I was I caught onto his ways early on, but as time went on, excused them because "that's just him". But then he got married again, had another kid, and treated his now ex-wife like a total piece of shit. I won't get into the details, but he's manipulative, controlling, abusive, two-faced and more.
Despite being divorced for over a year, he ended up raping his ex-wife a few months ago. And you know what he did next? My point is that crazy people are sadly everywhere. There is never an excusable situation for these people to have their actions justified, yet they find a way in their minds. It's sickening and disgusting. Thank you for the warning, though. I hope someone will be able to take heed. At least now you have your "crazy" - radar tuned very well, to avoid these kind of people and relationships.
I also used to tell myself "that's just him", because everyone have problems, right?
Online dating dangers
The verbal and emotional abuse in my case was so covert, I only caught up on it while working with the therapist, after the break up. At the time, I just often felt bad and confused after interacting with him, but couldn't quite grasp the reason. And so I dismissed it. The same with sex, a few times it was bordering on rape. I felt bad, but he would always talk me out of it: I didn't say No loud enough; he thought "I liked it", you didn't?
I'm glad you're going through therapy. Unfortunately, it seems like too many people never try it despite going through hell and back. As someone who personally identifies with Borderline Personality Disorder although minus the "strong narcissistic features" , I feel as though I should apologize for his behavior on behalf of the ill-minded.
You shouldn't have gone through that, but now you're a stronger person because of it. I'm glad you weren't hurt physically and hope that you will find someone soon who truly makes you happy. BTW, your post is very fluent and free of mistakes for not being a native English speaker!
You have nothing to apologize about! But I want to apologize for the tone of my comments about BPD. I know their behavior comes from suffering, and I didn't want to make someone who's on the path to recovery to feel worse.
Food is Medicine
The thing is, the road of empathizing and sympathizing with his condition, is exactly what brought me to the hell I am now. I thought that my ex will be able to recognize that he has a problem, and accept help, but he never could. He had some moments of clarity where he acknowledged his abusive behavior, which made me think it will stay that way, but it never did.
I used to excuse his behavior on his condition, after all he didn't asked for it. But then I realized it all comes down to a choice. If he felt alone, he could call me, I used to answer and comfort him even in the middle of the night, sometimes get a taxi to come and hold him, when he asked me to. But then he chose to go to Facebook and find someone for sexting.
When he wanted to have sex, he could come to me, but he chose to go to a bar for a one night stand. It's not even the cheating and psychotic part that hurts the most, it's that all my efforts to help him were for nothing. I don't have any love left even for myself, I lost my health, my trust in people, and he walks the earth without a single mark, already blocked me out of his memory.
I think this is sadly common, and it is much easier to find new "narcissistic supply" on the internets, definitely. I had a similar experience, although I was lucky in that it ended pretty quickly and didn't leave me with PTSD. Sometimes the abuse is much more subtle. I can share some warning signs that I foolishly ignored:. Normal people don't fall in love in a week. If someone is making noises about forever the instant they meet you, there's something off. Narcissists have a "wrong" response to someone else's emotions.
They might look at you blankly if you're crying.
mindbodygreen
They might laugh when you come. They can at times mirror the right response, but they don't feel anything. The whole world is wrong.
- How to Avoid Sociopaths on Online Dating Sites.
- 61 thoughts on “Online dating dangers”!
- How I met a psychopath through OkCupid : OkCupid!
Sex is like starring in their personal porn movie. It is oddly emotionless on their end, despite any sort of emotional build-up. They might be amazing technically, but there's no connection. They never take responsibility. He once told me the story of how his ex-wife was upset when he convinced her to abort their fourth child, even though she was pro-choice.
He acted as if she had somehow impregnated herself, and then was annoying about it.
Online dating dangers | Dating a Sociopath
It was disturbing as hell. Narcissists will always reveal themselves at some point, and you have to peek behind the mask. They can't hold up the facade forever. It's worth saying that the experience was invaluable. It taught me to look at profiles for warning signs. And I'm now with a truly kind and empathetic man. I had the same thing happen eerily similar, up to the "I've slept with hundreds of women" shit with a guy I met on the site, and knowing he's still out there, trying to reel other women into his lies and abuse makes me sick to my stomach.