No, I genuinely don't know.
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I've never had an American girlfriend, though I've often dreamt of one. Till the age of 12 - when I was moved from the Anglo-American side to the Portuguese side of the English school I went to - almost all my girlfriends were Americans. But that was as a child - nor really the same.
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To tell the truth, I really haven't met any American women when I wasn't with someone else I was serious with at the time, so the opportunity never arose, unfortunately. There is no such thing as "dating" and "dates" in Europe, including the UK. You shouldn't have asked about bases. It varies wildly even in small sections of states, never mind the whole US of A. And the bases always seemed to get redefined every two years or so from ages If real baseball were played the same way older children explained sex to us, veteran baseball players would be faced with a field where first base was a mile away and then the other three bases were within 3 feet of that.
I grew up in the US, and I find the whole dating etiquette system to be ridiculously complex and formal.
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I've never been able to explain it adequately to a European. On the other hand, I arrived in Europe with the American idea that you have to go through an entire negotiation process when you start sleeping with someone, and it took me a long time to get used to a more spontaneous way of doing things. French doesn't even have a word for "dating", and the whole concepts of "commitment" and "relationship" don't translate very well, either.
In France and Spain, the philosophy is that you sleep with someone first, and then you figure out if you want to be with them -- the direct opposite of what seems to happen in America. There's a lot less pressure to define what an affair means, and people seem to fall in and out of love more completely and quickly than in the US.
The whole "bases" thing is really part of early adolescence, a way for boys to brag about their first fumbling sexual experiences when they're still virgins. I don't know about today, but when I was a kid there was still a lot of stigma attached to girls who "went all the way", and so boys often had to settle for what they could get.
I have to pipe pipe back up and add my disagreement to what dobbs and kirkaracha said in response to GriffX. This is helpful in distinguishing the relationship from "going out," which more or less implies monogamy, although you can increase the ambiguity by saying "I've been going out with so-and-so. While she was away, I went to a party held by some of her friends, and when I met her friends who didn't yet know me, I explained my connection was that I was dating so-and-so.
There had definitely already been plenty of intimacy. But she was not my girlfriend yet. I'm American, and most of my adult relationships have started that way. And I don't think it's that uncommon, really. If you start sleeping together right away, then the point of the "dating" could no longer possibly be to lead up to the sex Funniest thing I expect I'll read today. I think I've almost never been on a "date" as I see the word.
To me, a date is like an appointment to hang out with someone you don't know well, to see if you have any chemistry and then to see if you'd like to continue to see each other. So, if you were hanging out with a guy, it was a date. If you hung out with girls, not-a-date. Hence the weird terms like "double dating" which was a "safe" way to date, I guess. I usually go out with people that I already know I like through some other context [we're friends from work, we knew each other online, we're friends of friends, they used to date a friend of mine in high school] when it's clear that there's chemistry and we just want to spend some time together.
I also have a lot of guy friends, so there has occasionally been some confusion about what "Do you want to go to the movies with me? Other things I think about dating: This is not quite as clear cut when you say "go out with". No, but you shouldn't be surprised if that's what they're thinking.
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As a woman, I try pretty hard to make it clear to people who ask me to do something if it's a "let's see what happens" affair, or an "I like you only in a friendly way" event. Similarly, nowadays, when I invite guys to do things, I make sure they know I have a boyfriend and am not looking for any other romantic interests, so they know what they are getting into up front.
Seems like common courtesy, but a lot of people I know don't do this. A rain check to me means "try again later" I think it's easy to clear this stuff up at the time and see if there's another possibility.
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So if you say "how about next week? As a result, I advise my guy friends to make it pretty clear how they feel and be on the lookout for "I like you as a friend" indicators [like bringing friends on dates, not dating in the evenings, not returning calls, making excuses that wouldn't stop someone who was really interested in your, etc]. I also know a lot of guys who seems to have long-term commitments to people they don't seem to really like very much. They are clearly getting something out of the relationship [sex?
I don't get that. When I was in hogh school and a bit into college [late 80's] you had to pretend that you weren't sleeping with people you were dating, only maybe people you were "going out with" which was like being engaged to being engaged in the Catholic enclave that I grew up in. I think Americans can have a hard time admitting that they're looking for sex and some companionship as opposed to a lifelong committment, or the potential thereof.
As a result, you meet men who keep you at arms length because they think you want to breed with them, and you have women who are either wanting to breed [at my age] and being really weird about how they meet and go out with men, or who become strange wallflowers who play a lot of the games Dobbs describes. Intimacy freaks a lot of people out and the weird ritual dance that is dating only makes it even weirder. For historical background, Dating Do's and Don'ts posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8: These are just my experiences and highly generalized.
I am now 45 years of age and living in Atlanta, so others' milage may vary. Until about 10 years ago, asking for and accepting a first date was fairly much non-committal except that it had to be a full-blown date of dinner and entertainment.
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The second date meant "I'm interested but I want to get to know you better, " and the third meant, "We're having sex tonight but dinner had better be good. Among the younger set, 35 and below, the pace is much faster. Again, the first date is often a casual meet-up that ends by going to the male's home to 'check out your lifestyle'.
The second meet-up within a day or two occurs at the female's home with sex that evening. Sprinkle all of the above with generous amounts of phone time. This is important, time spent talking on the phone has pretty much replaced the time spent in preliminary dating. Again, the above is highly generalized, and I have synthesized both my experience and what my friends have told me about their experiences.
To put it simply, nowadays asking for and accepting a first date is an unspoken admission of "Yeah, I'd do you. Just don't bore me. Is the reply "I'll take a rain check" insulting [ Minor point, Miguel, but the postponer actually offers the rain check, which was originally "a ticket stub entitling the holder to admission to a future event if the scheduled event was cancelled due to rain. I would say a date implies that no one else is invited.
I've been with my boy for years, and when we plan "dates," we mean we're gonna just hang out together. Of course, this could just be because we have many of the same friends, so inviting someone else along isn't unusual. As for dating, which is to say, going on formalized adventures usually featuring food and a movie or a party, I would say it is on the decline. Most people I know meet people through others or, when they meet someone, invite that person to group stuff first.
I can't think of the last time I or anyone I share details with stopped at oral sex willingly stupid too-drunk boys. I've gotta disagree with Mischief. Most people I know, if you get back home at the end of the night, you're fucking. Maybe everyone I know is really slutty? I wouldn't say I was dating a woman until we'd been intimate; before that I'd be "kind of seeing her" or something.
I've given up trying to squirm out of "Is that your boyfriend? Fortunately for you, there does exist a Recommended Standardized Guide to the Bases. I think a key aspect to keep in mind is American views of privacy and property. When meeting someone new who you wish to get to know, with the possibility of becoming romantic, you set up a "date" at a neutral public place. The movies, or a coffee shop, or whatever. Only after one or more of these meetings go well do you invite the person "back to your place" for a more intimate meeting. American's homes are generally places of refuge and solice.
Being invited into someone else's home is a big step in a friendship. And stepping in to someone's home who you don't know well can be an uncomfortable situation. This is especially true for younger, city-dwelling people, who often live in studio or one bedroom apartments; not only are you entering their home, but you're also entering their bedroom an even more private sanctuary. Thus the need for a netural dating arena.
There've been people I've slept with on the, whatever, say third date who find out that I first slept with X someone from my past on the 4th date who then get upset and wonder if I now think they're a slut. There's a great scene in Carnal Knowledge an excellent movie everyone should see if they haven't bit'a spoilers where characters Sandy m and Susan f are out in the woods and Sandy puts his hand on her breast.
She asks why he's doing it and he says "because it's our third date and you should let me do this on the third date.