Dating my ex mother in law

After several years of dating and marriage I started to wonder why they held onto so much bitterness over twenty years post-divorce. Last fall, I decided to reach out. Observed their behavior and how they encouraged him to go after all my assets, even the money left to me by my mother upon her death. I learned a lot about how abusive families work to protect those on the inside by demonizing everyone who gets out. I decided that it was time my son met his grandmother. Linkedin was the only way I had of reaching her.

I sent a message, then waited. Little dots showed up shortly thereafter, scrolling across the screen, indicating that she was typing. And thus our relationship, and her relationship with her grandson, began.

She met him a few weeks later, flying into Minneapolis to hang out with us and support me when I went to court. We spent Thanksgiving at her house in Texas, where he met his uncle for the first time. She started to cry.

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Reaching out to my ex-MIL was a big risk, one that had a big reward. Friends with my ex-mother-in-law? On our last trip to visit her, I lost my phone when our canoe capsized in the middle of a river.

If I complained about work, would he call me stupid? His parents blamed me if he forgot their birthdays, even though I would have reminded him three times to send a card. I was at fault for his weight gain during grad school, too, and for his deteriorating health. His responses to my actions after filing for divorce made no sense, either. Even I can acknowledge the negative ways in which my tendency to be passive aggressive in confrontation played out in our marriage.

A therapist I worked with for years once told me that abusive families circle the wagons and ostracize family members who break ranks.

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A month ago I tracked her down on LinkedIn. Patterns in abusive families repeat themselves. Studies have shown that children who grow up in abusive households are three times more likely to repeat the pattern in adulthood. He repeated patterns, which included the pattern of how abusive families treat people who leave. If women speak up, take action, and support one another, these patterns can be broken. She blogs about being a Solo Mom at Femme Feminism.

Please feel free to contact us with any comments or questions. Sign up with Facebook or Google. Local Sister Chat Articles Resources. I built a relationship with a woman I met after divorcing her son My ex-mother-in-law and I can spend hours talking about work, relationships, and her grandson.