If after that time you want to have a sexual relationship then use protection. I have been with my husband for 5 years used protection then first 8 months then we haven't since then and he has never gotten it from me. He will know when he feels it coming on and just don't do it during that time and when there are any visible signs. Ago- it got a ton of great responses and mostly positive feedback, I'd search for it and read through it.
Being in a blended family is insanely difficult and can reach nightmare proportions quicker than most people would believe. I would not add the stress of an STI to the stress of a potential future blended family. That's just my personal choice though. Some people choose not to date a smoker. I wouldn't date someone with a recurring STI like herpes, especially not now that I'm a mom.
But to each her own! I have herpes and want to let you know that it isn't as big of a deal as it is made out to be. There is a huge negative stigma surrounding the virus. It is more of a nuisance than anything.
Why Should I Date Someone With Herpes?
I got the herpesvirus when I was 19 years old, I am 31 now. I have not had an outbreak in over two years, I recently delivered a happy healthy baby vaginally, and no one I have ever been with has contracted the virus. I met my husband over 4 years ago. We only used protection in the beginning of our relationship. Your partner should know when an outbreak is going to come on and then you would abstain from sex. You should talk to him and ask questions, he should be open about everything. You can even talk to your doctor. It is a virus that is quite easy to manage.
I'm sure you already know this but cold sores are a form of the herpesvirus as well. You know herpes is the virus behind lots of things, right? To manage your cold sores , ask your doctor for a valcyclovir or acyclovir prescription. It cures them fast. I think the way nick handles his outbreaks makes a lot of sense. I think that in addition to the social stigma, there is this very lizard-brain level fear response to the idea of infection, even outside of a sexual context.
That tension and desire to hold my breath I get when I hear some kid coughing in the supermarket. The visceral horror people have about leprosy, which is also sort of a skin condition. Even the whole genre of zombie movies. Something about contagious disease itself is inherently frightening. To clarify this a bit! I also have HSV So does my mom.
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She got it from kissing family members at a Christmas party. There was nothing remotely sexual about it for me, and most of this was before I even knew what sex was. I just found the idea of catching something you have for life scary. I later had outbreaks, as an adult. I could have had it from years, from some asymptomatic shedding kiss. But it did upset me a lot at first, and I did feel dirty and tainted.
Not sexually, but rather more generally than that. I felt unfit for even platonic human contact. This was also many years ago and I was pretty ignorant about not only this particular virus and how common it is, but how our bodies in general are full of all kinds of viruses and bacteria and assorted passengers. The microbiome is truly huge and complex: Many, many microorganisms we encounter in our environment enter us and change us.
Some help us, some hurt us, many are entirely neutral. We all have microscopic mites living in our pores and on our eyelashes too.
Living with Herpes: Dating, Treatment, and Intimacy with HSV-1 and 2
And while it upset me to know I had it for life, I also have the chicken pox virus which is another variant of herpes for life—I contracted it before the vaccine existed. Age and experience also taught me that everything changes. Things break, things go wrong. So many things in my life have turned out for the worse, or left lasting scars. Some of the changes have even been positive, or at least things that eventually brought me somewhere worth going.
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I understand why a younger me was afraid of change, and why change for the worse was a terrifying concept, but I also see now that herpes or no herpes, change for the worse was inevitable. To change is to live. Most of what we experience we carry with us in some way. But my animal brain is freaking out about the possibility of infection, and sexual desire is a very fickle feeling.
- Why Should I Date Someone With Herpes? – Ella Dawson.
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No one wants to get sick, really. I also have eczema, which is a skin condition. The more stigma and shame there is, the more people will be afraid to get testing, and afraid to disclose. They can act on that fear, or they can research and see if their feelings change with more knowledge. And yeah, asking you in particular about it is callous and insensitive.
We all bring our full personhoods to our relationships, and that includes emotions like fear. Forcing themselves into situations just to avoid feeling like bad people is actually likely to make the fear worse and foster resentment. But they might also decline, go on their way, and catch it from a toddler who picks their sore and rubs their hands on everything.
Or from sharing a toothbrush with a platonic friend. Or from platonic kissing at a family gathering. So it is pretty silly to pass on a promising relationship. But people have the right to be silly. People have the right to be afraid for stupid reasons, or say no for any reason or no reason at all.
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Just as I hope others will be realistic about human biology, I try to be realistic about human psychology. Fear of infection, like herpes itself, is common and something humanity is probably stuck with. Yes… it is pretty natural to be wary and grossed out if you see someone with a drippy cold digging in the communal silverware tray or someone with a cold sore offering you a sip out of their cup.
Every virus ran through my family with so many of us. My parents, aunts, siblings had cold sores. And so it went.
How to Live and Date with Herpes
Chicken pox made the rounds. As you pointed out, genital herpes is not so different from a lot of these other conditions. Ella is right, it is a type of discrimination. I totally understand the fear, if not for the condition itself, but for the misinformation, judgements, and misperceptions that surround it.
The infected person was never being considered as a person to begin with: Or are you glad you have it? People should make informed decisions. I agree with jcalavarez on this. The notion of it being just a skin condition seems to be peddled moslyt by people who, as you ella have stated, had only one bad initial outbreak followed by mild, near nonexistent outbreaks since.
Even after their initial outbreak, their outbreaks afterward continued to be anything but mild. The 2 people I speak of both take their antivirals and adhere strictly to their doctors regimens.