Texting relationships have an aspect of controlled exposure, with a lower risk of rejection. Face-to-face encounters have a much higher risk. And we miss all kinds of important signals. Our use of technology also diminishes our capacity to attune to ourselves and others.
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By attunement I mean a quality of attention that is connected, present, and responsive. These are not only essential qualities of our shared humanity but also critical in courtship, intimacy, and love. In your practice, do you notice people treat people they meet on an app differently than they do people they meet in real life? Some of my clients conduct the bulk of their early relationships over text. Once they have met someone in person, they have the opportunity to reconcile their online communication, their online persona or edited self , and the projections that have been brewing in the subtexts of their texts, with a real-life person.
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In that moment, you may experience natural anxiety, self-consciousness, and curiosity fueled by the unknown. The unfamiliar allows us to project our fantasies onto one another and drives desire. You can try to be aware that you have preconceived notions about who this person might be; stay open and present in the moment. As much as we want to inoculate ourselves against vulnerability with our devices, vulnerability is the very nature of courtship. One distressing by-product of our digital culture is that it enables many people who are either oblivious, ignorant, or simply unwilling to behave appropriately.
Dating in a Digital World
They may do or say things over text or online that they never would in person because the new layer of distance makes empathy more difficult. Even though you may be disappointing the other person, create boundaries or closure by being direct and respectful. Just practicing mindfulness can increase self-awareness and help us act more consciously, even in dating situations where anxiety is really high. Take breakups, for example: I have some clients who do it over text. They just shut down the conversation, without the ability to process with the other.
Is my makeup perfect?
What does he think about me? When my mom was dating, her thoughts were totally different. She wanted to know the type of man my father was. She wanted to know his family. She wanted to know if he was going to be able to provide for his family.
Dating In The Digital Age: The New Set Of Rules
Most important, she want to know if he was going to be able to lead his family in a godly manner. Without technology, there were deeper things to worry about other than snapping a photo at the perfect angle and editing the photo to add perfect eyebrows. He likes our bodies because He made our bodies. God thinks the world of us. In fact, He thinks so much of us that He has every single item in our lives in order — including us finding the person we are supposed to be with. Today, we live in a gimme world. We are even this way when it comes to God.
We tell God gimme a good mate, but we are not doing the work needed to become a good mate. We tell God gimme a great life, but we are not doing the work needed to be good in life. You meet at a restaurant or bar, have a few drinks, and get some food. One thing leads to another, and you end up knowing the person before you get to actually know the person.
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