Dating someone going through divorce

If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you?

Why is he getting a divorce? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus. Did they try couples counseling? If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.

If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed. If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango.

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If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.

If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there.

Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings. Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up? In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her.

There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment. If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag — does he have a job now? Is his idea of a relationship to be a lazy slug and mooch off his lover?

Can you mentally compare how he is now with how you perceive him to have been just a few months or years ago when the marriage crumbled? Does it sound like he was a heavier drinker then and is now sober or cutting back his drinking?

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Does he have bouts of anger that might indicate his ex-wife was afraid of him? Is he timid and easily swayed and you can see that a lack of a spine is what allowed a manipulative wife to get everything she could from him before she fled? For instance the state of California in USA, has a process called bifurcation which allows partners to be restored to the status of single persons within six months of filing for divorce.

Is There No Going Back to Her?

This is so that one can get back to a normal social life while the legal process of divorce follows its own course. Above all you need to keep in mind that filing for divorce is not the same thing as being finally divorced. It is just the initiation of the legal process of divorce, the beginning of the end of the marriage so to speak. The marriage is usually only over when the parties filing for divorce are both restored to the status of single persons at the completion of the divorce process. So before you start taking seriously the new person in your life, check with them their actual marital status since this might have a bearing on the validity of your relationship.

Limited opportunities for romance Your partner may have actually filed for divorce but dating might be difficult if only for practical reasons. This is especially awkward if your partner is still living in the marital home with the estranged spouse.

This might not only make dating something of a strain but might also have legal implications. When it gets worse Dating someone who is going through a divorce may at times involve legal hassles. The resentment and hurt that is already there will be compounded many times over once the spouse finds that your partner has begun seeing other people even before the divorce is through. And the last thing you need at this point is an angry soon-to-be-ex who is determined to make things as difficult as possible for your partner, especially in matters like financial settlement, alimony and child support.

So take it easy and let your partner focus on getting over with the paperwork. Keeping off an overt romantic relationship at this point will not only speed up the divorce process but leave less of a financial liability for your partner. Reasons behind the divorce When you are dating someone going through a divorce, it is only natural that you would want to know the reasons for the split. However this is a very complex situation and needs to be handled with utmost delicacy. On one hand you are entitled to the truth but at the same time urging your partner to reveal all might backfire and you might come off as nosey, nagging or insensitive.