I have to agree with you Joanna. His distance probably has to do more with his recent divorce or the pain caused by that, than the fact that he is Mormon. I would ask how long he dated his first wife and if he even knows how to take a relationship slowly. It may be a real struggle for him if he was someone who met and married within months of each other the first time around. I think our culture shapes us and our life events do also. Definitely the Mormon culture shapes a man to be the way he is — but the end of a year marriage may rock someone into having a hard time getting too close also.
Mormons tend to bond quickly. All in all, I would ask him. I think Mormonism is playing a role in the emotional withdrawal of this man. It could mean that Mormons are more likely to remain married due to the fears of social rejections and lowered self esteem as a result of the divorce. There is a great deal of pressure on a married Mormon couple to treat each other well, be happy, and above all else, work it out.
All people feel a sense of failure after a divorce, but I think for Mormons the pain is tenfold. I agree that the situation may not be worth this amount of stress. If you really mean a lot to him, then he will take a risk. Are Mormon males socialized to act a certain way? A way that may or may not accurately reflect their emotional abilities? Anyone recently divorced, especially from a 20 year marriage, is going to be bouncing all over the place for quite a while.
Not knowing the guy, I think it has more to do with time needed for healing and gathering his emotional bits and pieces than anything. If he is unwilling to have sex outside of marriage and she is all for it — that is bound to cause some pulling away and distance and yo-yo behavior. My wife left me…I was not without responsibility but the event left me devestated. For that bond to be severed is no small matter.
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You want a man who will love you no matter what…even if you were to spike his foot to the floor and leave him to waste…he seems like such a man. His lack or enability to commit shows just how commited he was to his former. Though he has resolved the legal aspect through divorce, it says nothing of the emotional resolutions that need to take place.
Distance…I quickly found out just how intimately envolved i could become with those I dated…not very much, without stirring up a bold wave of passion and feeling. To ignore the long term and take pleasure in the moment would be dishonest and disrespectful. Respect him in return and understand that the closness he feels toward you is acutely akin to the closeness he felt toward his ex…which is that of companion…which should be a compliment.
Sorry you caught him at this point in time.
Being a supportive, loving, selfless friend is a step in the right direction no matter what the outcome is. Someone in the sample that I studied posed almost the same question: You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Home no title About Contact.
Church is driving me crazy. Facebook Email Twitter Print. August 2, at 5: August 2, at 6: But then there were these grander things than we were that kept interfering, as much as we tried to ignore them. And I remember one of the bigger ones was when I found out he didn't believe people had souls.
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I was like, "What? Doesn't everyone believe that? I mean, religious or not, doesn't everyone believe people have souls? And he said, "No. I don't believe people have souls. I can see it.
I can hear it. I know it's there. And what does my soul have to say? I've been inside you for 29 years, and you've been ignoring me the entire time. So we kept dating, even though at this point I realised my soul mate didn't actually believe in souls. But I was willing to be OK with that. And then the sex thing came up, and he asked, "Are we gonna have sex? And I could tell he was starting to phase me out. It's so interesting because every girl knows when a guy starts to phase her out, even if it's just a coincidence that he didn't pick up his phone.
You feel it and you know. And so I started thinking, Why would he wanna phase me out? It's because I'm Mormon and it's because I won't have sex. And then I started thinking, What if he's the love of my life, and I end up marrying a Mormon guy that I like OK, and I spend the rest of my life regretting this decision?
What if he's right, and what if God doesn't exist, and then I'm making this sacrifice for this totally imaginary reason. And then I started thinking about sex, and how when you're in love sex is totally different. It almost feels like a natural progression of things. And I thought, You know, maybe I could have sex. And then we went out again, and I sensed it was one of the last times we would get to go out with each other.
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We were supposed to go to this outdoor exhibit, but it got rained out, so we ended up back at my apartment. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday. We made grilled cheese sandwiches and put on a movie. I was still wet from the rain, so I said, "I'm just gonna change into something else. I was just gonna put a T-shirt on. I opened the drawer, and I saw that blue slip.
And I thought, What if I put that on? I was like, Why would you do that? It's the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday.