Open Your Mind
For that, I highly recommend you check these out first. Now, keep reading to discover reasons your daughter is dating an older man and also learn a few tips for successfully managing this delicate situation without destroying the critical parent-child trust and love. Due to their extensive interactions with the opposite gender, grown-up males learn that appreciating women is the quickest gateway into their hearts. Unlike young mates who may not appreciate her not-so-cute looks, older partners will praise her appearance all the same. Therefore, your daughter of 16 years may be involved with a far older man due to the basic reason that she sees him as a perfect replica of paternal love and attention.
This is especially true in father-orphaned girls or those living away from their biological fathers. Again, the girl may come from a family with many younger siblings, which gradually reduces the close girl-father attention and adoration. Similarly, grown-up males are imposingly more self-assured perhaps due to the understandable fact that they have already discovered who they are, or possibly as a result of professional and financial self-actualization. Contrary to the self-respecting ebullience that adults portray, many young boys doubt their self-worth, which directly puts them an awkward position in the eyes of girls of their age.
Even behavioral scientists can attest to the cardinal principle that women are automatically attracted to power, perhaps more than anything else. Therefore, it is quite vital to conduct some background check to ascertain whether the man your daughter is in love with wields some measure of power or influence of some sort.
As a result, it behooves you to prudently handle this extremely delicate state of affairs so as it protect your child without causing further harm. Nonetheless, these likely downsides should not deceive you into acting tactless or ruthless as this may put a lasting wedge between the two of you. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her.
My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age
He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner.
How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it. Mariella replies I feel your pain. Your job was to raise her and teach her how to be the best adult possible. Your situation is a parental nightmare, but not the most unusual of scenarios. In many ways his age is of less concern than the family he is about to forsake. Then one day they are gone and your child can't stand the sound of their name!
What to Do If Your Teen Is Dating an Older Guy - Raising Teens - September
Good luck, have patience. Also, I'm not sure how she has been actually "dating" him and you didn't know till yesterday? Then on Sunday have them go to Sunday school together and church service. Four good things happen from this arrangement. You get to know him, you can give your daughter a chance with him and if he doesn't like it he wasn't worth it, and they learn moral lifestyles, lets your daughter know she is worth a little trouble, if this boy doesn't think so another one will.
After you get to know him tell her YOU will decide if he is good for her or not. We must do this for our kids, because they are not capable of knowing the danger signs like we are. I agree with the post "You are too young to date. Have some things planned that you can do with her or with her friends. If you simply say no, more than likely she will rebell and this could cause more problems. Talk to the school counselor, his counselor and parents. And the school resource officer the school cop if you need to.
Serious problems could be ahead if you don't take action now. I am not trying to scare you needlessly but you need know this a very serious problem.
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If she won't listen get her to talk to a guidance counselor maybe. Lastly, remember, you are the parent and it's your house, your rules. Don't be afraid to have your teenager mad at you occasionally, it's part of the parenting process. It is critical that you set the boundaries for her, that you parent her. Whether choirboy or goth youth, the rules for dating must be the same: No dating at all before such a grade. Afternoon dates only until such a time, No dates at all on school nights. Parents must drive on dates until such a time.
At all times you must know where when and with whom, no matter how old she is. And you will check. Then welcome her young man warmly into your home to do the things that are appropriate for your daughter. Screen movies for them to watch together. Have her serve snacks that she has made with your assistance.
Have them prepare a simple meal together pizza and a salad from scratch and serve it to everyone. Have a barbecue and invite another pair of their friends over. Do a small home renovation project together. Take them bowling or to an ice rink or a sports game that your daughter likes. Let him understand that it is not all about him, but that he is welcome to celebrate her.
If this becomes to tedious for him, or too babyish, she will see him.
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I believe, for the poseur he is. If he hangs in there, he may even drop the Goth pose and find he's quite the likable guy.
Why Do Women Choose Older Men?
Discuss with your daughter about what she really wants in a guy and what she's actually getting out of this relationship. If you take her seriously, you'll be surprised how much she'll want your advice. I also just wanted to say, thanks for being concerned. There's so many mothers that don't give a freak, but you obviously want the best for your daughter.
If you ban her from seeing him, she will rebel and want to see him more! Being a goth, he is also looking to shock adults, which is probably why he chases 13 year olds. If you are nice to him, he will not get the reaction he wants and will probably stop hanging around. Meet the Boy, you might actually like him, if you put aside what he looks like.
How to Get My Daughter to Stop Dating Older Men
IF your daughter is happy, then let her date him, just keep an eye on things and don't give her complete free range with him, happiness is whats best as long as he isn't dragging her down with him into his little Gothic trend. Hope you give your daughter and this boy a chance. My mom was okay with it. I think I turned out pretty good with the dating situation.
My boyfriends were allowed to come to my house we would hangout in living room and in my room with door open. As my age changed certain regulation changes but I mean I thought that was very fair. When I have kids long time from now I want to follow in my mom's good parenting footsteps. I think the "you are too young to date" you are not allowed to go out with this guy, or any guy. I have friends who had parents like that and they ended up rushing into things, because they had to sneak around. What your middle school age child wants to do, isn't really "dating" unless its with someone older because they'll influence her.
This relationship as it is could lead to serious problems, and if not resolved, could drive you further away from your daughter. Let her hang out with him in a group or with an adult's supervision, but don't let it go unnoticed. Always be kind and open to her, while at the same time laying down the rules and expecting them to be followed.