The frustration of being ignored after what seemed like another promising date had led us to take action and look at new ways of meeting people. The Manchester based dating blogger Cubic Garden had mentioned to me that he had more success meeting suitable dates speed dating than he had internet dating. So we figured it was worth putting any preconceptions to one side and giving it a go. There are a couple of regular speed dating nights on in Manchester , each running nights in different venues on different days of the week. We needed to find a night where we both fitted into the same age bracket, which happened to be Elite Speed Dating, which runs on Saturdays at the Circle club.
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When I mentioned I was going to my friend Alison, she told me about a lesbian speed-dating night her ex-girlfriend had put on a few years back. On the way to the club, Dan was also growing increasingly conscious of what to ask when it came to opening questions.
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It was beginning to dawn on him that this was a night of intensive small talk. But we had arrived and there was no point backing out.
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Walking in, to our relief, there was a real mix of people, and to our relief you got a free glass of champagne to calm any nerves. We sat down and registered. My old married name was on the list due to its being connected to my PayPal account. The instructions were simple. All the women sat at a table, and the men moved from table to table every time a whistle was blown.
You got a sheet to make notes about each person, and had to tick yes or no regarding seeing them again. The most striking thing about the whole process was the sheer amount of bilge you can cover with someone you have never met before — in three minutes. Despite their protestations to the contrary, I had always doubted their motives for going to these events.
As far as I was concerned, the seedy underworld of the singleton was to be avoided at all costs, especially by the young, gifted and frankly rather good looking strain of British males of which I considered my peers and I to be part of.
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Nevertheless, I contemplated, this would be a wonderful opportunity to make an immediate impact on the female population of the city. I'd sidle up from work, have a quick couple of beers and flash that capital charm. Those poor, sad northern ladies wouldn't know what hit them!
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What is it they say about the best-laid plans of mice and er, Mancunians? Problem number one was that my "few beers" after work quickly mutated into a full-on afternoon session.
Arriving at the venue - which I noted was surprisingly plush - I realised that I was somewhere between mid-evening merry and outright drunk. Yet this was surely a minor stumbling block. I changed my strategy for the night to include my new character of witty, cheeky mockney rather than sophisticated city gentleman. I soon realised that this was the least of my difficulties. I was quickly struck by how good everybody looked. Not that they were all movie star, model types, but they had clearly all made a real effort for the evening, not least my friends, who I swore were more than a little smug to find me looking dishevelled, scruffy and generally worse for wear.
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I retreated to the bathroom for urgent running repairs. It's safe to say I didn't make the best of starts. My attempts at gentle ribbing came across as open hostility "so what is it about Manchester that you like? Where did you get it?