Dating a guy who lives with his baby mama

We met each other through mutual friends. He is 10 years older than me and has two teenage daughters. I also have a young daughter.

The reason, he says, is because they were both having financial issues and he decided to move back to help her out. He was up front with me about it when we started dating. He has mentioned moving out and buying his own place, and says he is ready to leave because of the tension at home I can only imagine.

How long am I supposed to sit around and wait for him to move out? I really like him. Honestly, I love him and he knows that.

• My love interest lives with his baby's mother;
• My boyfriend lives with his babymother.
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We have great times together, but the only problem is him leaving his situation. At times I get frustrated because I want to be able to go to his house and enjoy those moments together. But understanding that plan would require talking about uncomfortable things. What does happen at home? Time for a little chat, I think. If he makes a plan, then great!

If not, well you need to know that too. He said it would be disrespectful to his baby's mother. My question is, if you are not in a serious relationship, why would it be discourteous and disrespectful to the other woman? I asked why she lives with him and he says because of his job, the mother has to stay there to take care of his child. I cut off the communication with him but he kept calling and we started talking again.

However, his home situation still bothers me. Do you think I should give him the benefit of the doubt or move on with my life? My dear, such is the drama that unfolds in long distance relationships, further compounded by the presence of a baby mother. You can never tell what the true scheme of things is when you are so separated by distance.

My love interest lives with his baby's mother

As much as the Internet and social media have brought couples together virtually, there is still a void that exists that if not filled as soon as possible, can cause problems in the relationship. So after five months of virtual connection you decided to make a face to face connection, which is not unreasonable given the circumstances.

The challenge you face is dealing with a man who lives with his baby's mother whom he claims he is not intimate with. There are instances where couples share the same house and even the same bedroom for economic reasons.

And according to the gentleman, this arrangement was done to facilitate the rearing of the child they have together. You need to consider if you are prepared to be involved in this scenario. If you are to accept the gentleman's rationale for sharing space with his baby's mother, be reminded that the rearing of the child will take almost a lifetime which means that both of them will be together for quite a long time. Are you prepared to accept this as a permanent fixture in your relationship? Should you decide to enter this relationship you would have to ensure that clearly defined boundaries are established between the gentleman and the mother of his child which would be difficult to monitor from a distance.

A high level of trust would have to be established and maintained throughout the life of the relationship and your status as the bona fide partner must be recognised and respected. What would make you happy is for the gentleman to sever intimate links if any with his baby's mother and for her to live elsewhere so that you can visit his house without encumbrance. How likely is this? It is obvious that you are uneasy and suspicious about the present living arrangement, hence your decision to cease communication.

Do a rational examination of the situation by weighing the pros and cons, then make a decision either way. Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor.

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