He is very high functioning and from first meeting him most people would not guess he is on the spectrum.
He is bright, funny, honest, loyal, and can even be very tender and affectionate at times. I am curious, energetic, and sensitive. Unlike what I have come to understand about most aspie-NT relationships, we have a very fulfilling and intimate sexual life. However, unsurprisingly, many of our problems lie in communicating and emotional intimacy. I am having trouble adjusting to certain aspects of living together, most notably his more rigid patterns and difficulty changing ineffective patterns.
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For example, a sort of silly one, we have a laundry hamper basket and my aspie bf consistently puts his clothes right in front of the basket instead of inside the basket. I am basically questioning whether his invalidating attitude is part of aspergers or his personality. He has on more than one occasion said the following: I will point it out and he will deny it. I've also experienced stonewalling, silent treatment and shutting himself in our office.
I recognize that some of this is my fault as well. Of course, it takes two to tango I can be sensitive, crying and occasionally placing blame and complaining ineffectively. I have been working a lot on trying to stay calm when expressing something to him, using direct clear statements, using 'I' instead of blaming.
This is often to no avail. I often feel that he sees me as the source of all problems, he doesn't recognize his behaviour as sometimes inappropriate I am wondering what parts I should tolerate and what I should not. I try to be compassionate and see things from his perspective and I recognize that most comments are probably unintentionally rude.
Coping With a Partner's Asperger's Syndrome
However, sometimes it hits so close to home that it seems manipulative. Even when I ask him to stop saying these things he defiantly defends his point of view. I could say a lot more but I will stop here for now. I love him very much and I know he loves me too. I want to find better ways to interact and I want to know more about Aspies' opinions on the matter. Devany , Feb 5, Friendly x 3 Like x 2. We even started a thread on why we are so hard to date. I don't know what to say because it's tough.
I would not date me, but I wish there were someone out there who could! So you are a good person, but don't think things will change. YOU will do all the changing. We are like fixed entities. OkRad , Feb 6, Like x 4 Agree x 2. A lot of this behavior just sounds like manipulative asshattery to me. Like OkRad said, if you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie.
Unfortunately there's no complete guide to dating Aspies as we're not all the same. Some Aspies are mean and manipulative, some are absolute sweethearts. I think it shouldn't be a question of whether his behavior is Aspie behavior, but rather whether or not this is behavior you're willing to put up with. You're wondering what behavior you should and shouldn't tolerate but that's really a line only you can draw.
Bolletje , Feb 6, Agree x 7 Winner x 3 Like x 2. I honestly wish I had been the recipient of your approach. You demonstrate patience and understanding. I need to be told why or it's not going to happen. I also genuinely forget. It's not a matter of being inconsiderate it's genuinely forgetting. You're in a good position.
Don't Miss These Aspergers Dating Tips
You can use your love and flexibility to communicate differently might still not work Imagine five different universes narrow it down a bit That moment when you said and he did Thing of four or five different things you could have said in that moment. Each thing you say would get a different reaction. For me a logical approach would work better.
What would happen if you asked for his help? Would he shut down? For me the washing thing was the socks have to go in a bag. Mostly they go in the bag now, still forget I think my wife has accepted its not malice Use your superpower as an NT, be flexible and write things down to take a step away from your emotions kryptonite from aspie eyes. Fridgemagnetman , Feb 6, I think one of the reasons our relationship works as well as it does is because I am pretty blunt and straightforward. I have an easier time than he does understanding subtle cues, but I tend to think direct is the way to go.
Luckily for me, he appreciates that quality more than most people would. Posted by Becca on November 19, at 6: I watched a documentary about the daughter of a high profile judge, who worked in the adult industry as a dancer. I came to appreciate that highly intelligent people, from well-to-do families, worked in highly exploitative industries.
Penelope Trunk
This would concern me in this line of work. Posted by Inspired2Bme on February 5, at 4: Posted by Krista on January 10, at 1: Posted by Inspired2Bme on February 5, at 3: Posted by Alison on November 18, at 8: Your description of your early sex romps reminds me of some of mine. When I was thirteen I discovered two things: Yeah, stag movies… This was before , before pornography flicks in Pussy Cat Theaters, before the sexual revolution.
This was a time in the early sixties when parents, or at least mine, checked blue covered medical books out of the library and told me to read them. They were all about biology, with drawings of penises and vaginas. Nothing about blow jobs and felling up, which I learned from Bruce Saidel in the attic of our house.
And Ronny Silverman, he showed me materbation techniques on the toilet. To this day I wonder if he was, or is, gay. The internet is full of free training videos. Some call it porn. So they tell me. He knows you write this stuff. He knows some of his life is exposed to the world. And yet he allows you to express your naked self in this way. Sure, he knew what you were about before you guys hooked up. But in a marriage arrangement, many times the liberties draw in once the wedding rings go on. He must really, really love you. Posted by Irving Podolsky on November 18, at 8: I try to get all my clients and all the women I know off The Pill and into plunging a finger into their vulvas.
Even the World Health Organization stunner!!
Core Beliefs
I once had a lover who considered himself ADD. He told me right from the start that the only way he could stay present during sex was to talk. It was a challenge at first what to say?!? Before, during and after, just keep the flow going. Using my voice even more during sex and hearing his made the whole thing hotter—our voices became additional instruments of penetration. It got to the point where I could come from hearing the sound of his voice. Posted by Kim Anami on November 18, at 9: Funny how your so clueless about social norms, but you always know how to shock and titillate.
Posted by John on November 18, at 9: You say the most shocking things! He said to say that he sleeps mostly. I am curious as to what The Farmer thinks about you telling all his trade secrets. Posted by Elizabeth Harper on November 19, at 1: Posted by Dean on November 19, at 6: Posted by Davy Hamburgers on November 19, at My friend forwarded this to me.
What a great essay. Thorough and interesting and really good natured. I enjoyed this a lot. Posted by Gloria on November 19, at Posted by Caryn on November 19, at 3: Does he have an opinion about this?
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