Maybe you desire a tight-knit support system, or maybe you like to go with the solo flow on most things. Does your partner regret not taking a certain job offer or not traveling abroad during college? Maybe they regret something they said to a loved one, or the way a past relationship ended.
No one likes having regrets, but we all have things from our past we learned lessons from the hard way, right? Maybe you call your mom twice a day, but your partner sticks to an occasional phone call a few times a month. Even if you met your partner in grade school or you grew up in the same town, we all have moments from our childhood that shaped our formative years and made us who we are as adults. What are your favorite childhood memories? Who were your role models and closest relationships back then? Conversely, asking questions about the tough parts of childhood will help you understand your partner as they are now.
Is she a morning person? Where was he born? I have been dating a hilarious, sweet, and handsome guy for three years next month, but some things in our relationship just make me question if i'm doing the right thing dating him or wasting my time. I love spending time with him but I feel like he is too comfortable around me now and usually just plays video games when i'm over. I've told him numerous times this bothers me and I would prefer to spend time with him instead of watching the back of his head, and he seems to take my feelings into consideration for an hour and then just goes back to how it usually is.
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He complains and says I fall asleep anyways so why should he watch anything with me? Secondly, he has met my family and one of my friends in the entire three years we have been together. I have invited him to parties, events, just to go on hikes with friends and every time he has flat out said no or agreed to it in the beginning and then weaseled out of it last minute.
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He is shy and doesn't know many people in the city we live in, but he makes an effort to go out with his friend who we will call M, who is also his room mate, and meets M's friends. A lot of the time he never even wants to do anything with me and I have to beg him to go out, I feel like we live our life in his room and i'm only 21!
I want to be going to different places and traveling and seeing new things. Lastly, he is 25 years old and has no cell phone, credit cards no credit history , driving license, vehicle, nor did he finish high school I met him when I was 18 and he was 22, never knowing how serious we were going to get. As time has progressed I feel as if I have been accomplishing different things in my life and moving forward, like going to university, financing a car, and building up my credit. I have talked to him about this before and asked if he has ever thought about getting a start on some of this stuff so we can be ready for the future and he got angry at me and said I was trying to embarrass him and say he isn't good enough for me.
He didn't talk to me for a week after that.. I just love him so much and have been with him for so long now that it's hard to see myself without him, and I really do enjoy his company so much. I just don't know what to do at this point because I feel like he lacks motivation and is fine with just sitting at home for the rest of his life. Is it even on me to try and change him? I mean, who am I to tell him what to do?
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Have any of you ladies ever been in this situation? How did you approach the problem and address it in a polite way? My boyfriend is super sensitive and gets upset easily and I can picture him freaking out easily if I just repeated everything that I wrote. Some insight would be great, i'm sorry for the long ass post but I feel like I hardly have anyone to talk to about these things anymore..
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Re-read what you've written, pretending that it was written by someone else, and I think you'll find that you've already answered your own question. You say that you love him, but what exactly is there to love about him? Everything you've told us about him is negative, and you've made it clear that he doesn't really want to spend time with you. I've been in a very similar situation.
I loved him and he told me he loved me all the time but he never showed it. He never wanted to do anything with me, which made me very sad and insecure. He didn't work enough in college and completely fell behind, I hated to play the "Mommy" role but I did anyway because I cared. Eventually he just turned more and more selfish and he was puling me down. I finally broke up with him and it was very hard on me but it definitely was the right thing to do. I am so happy now, I had some time to work on myself and to rediscover my friends. Now I'm dating a handsome, intelligent, motivated man who pushes me up and makes me want to be always better.
That's what you should hope to find, someone who brings out the best in you. I was dating a guy like this once. Always on his computer, always relying on me to make the effort to go and see him, never interested in me. Regardless of my own aspirations, it was boring. He never wanted to change and I moved on. He also got upset, and I knew my decision was right when his mother contacted me a week after we broke up to try to get me to reconsider.
I'm now with a great guy who also plays computer games. In fact, he has lots of hobbies that take up his time It's like night and day.
You'll have a better time finding what you want than turning what you have into what you want. This is the kind of person who is happy at a slower pace of life, and enjoys being in their own bubble. They don't realise that it takes two to make a relationship work. A relationship should be a partnership, sometimes he takes more, sometimes you take more, but this seems completely one sided.
Would you be happier sending the time you see him with your friends, or taking on other hobbies?
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If you feel like you are moving forward and he is standing still, you will have to make a decision of standing still where you are with him or move on without him. At 25 he should at least able to communicate or want to try, even if he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He can't just stone wall you for a week because he doesn't like the conversation. You can't change someone, that has to come from him. He doesn't seem to want that, so you'll have to accept him for what is he now, or move on. I dated a really nice guy through college. I'm very Type A and he is very, very Type B.
Although he's funny and fun to be around, the lack of motivation killed our relationship. I graduated in four years and got a job; he couldn't figure out when he was going to graduate. When he missed two appointments with the school counselor and I had to sit down and go through his course catalog to figure out when he would graduate, and it wasn't for another two years That was it for me. I was just too frustrated. I didn't want to have to do all the life planning for us. I wanted a partner in the relationship; I didn't want someone I'd have to be responsible for. I hope he's happy and I'm sure he'll make someone else very happy.
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I was with him for nearly six years. I'm now married to someone who is awesome, and I've been with him for nine years. We've accomplished some really amazing things together, while still having a ton of fun.
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I admire him, and I know he admires me. That person is out there for you, too. My suggestion would be that you really need to talk about this. Explain that you're worried about him, and that you love him, and then explain why you're worried. It may be that he needs a good old boot up the ass, and it may be that there's something more serious. My sister used to date a guy like this. She wasted years waiting for him to treat her like a girlfriend rather than a last resort buddy.
He dumped her the night before a major exam recital She passed, despite him because she volunteered to work as a US camp counsellor for 2 months. She had to see him during the exam because she had previously invited him and his family. My mum and I spent the whole day calming her down enough to perform. She later went to her camp counseling job and was asked to stay on an extra month. She met her now-husband at the camp.