Meet Sooner Than Later: Exchanging dozens of emails and phone calls before meeting in person may feel safer, but a date is a more efficient way of gathering information. There's only so much you can learn about someone without actually meeting them. A great pen pal won't necessarily equate an ideal life partner. Once, I exchanged dozens of giddy communications with an individual over the course of two weeks, but when we met in person, the date fell flat.
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I was puzzled when he looked nothing like his photos. Later, when I confessed I did not know a common football term, he abruptly ended the date. We never communicated again, though I did keep his gift of a tin of SPAM neatly wrapped with a red ribbon. I was surprised our virtual chemistry didn't translate in person.
From that point on, I communicated online or by phone just long enough to discern potential and then arranged to meet. Don't Meet for a Meal on a First Date: You've never spent time with this individual so how do you know you'll have a good time? Test the waters by meeting for coffee or a drink.
You'll probably know whether or not you want to see this person again within the first five minutes. A beverage-date gives you a shorter timetable, should you need it, while a meal elongates the meeting. If you hit it off, you can always grab dinner or plan date number two. Save Your Favorite Spots for You: But don't take your new date to your favorite coffee shop or Chinese take-out joint. At least, not right away. If the meeting goes south, you won't want to run into them at your favorite places, let alone with another date.
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Be Honest About Chemistry: There's nothing endearing about a superficial jerk, but let's be honest; chemistry is an important aspect of a relationship and physical attraction plays a role. I'm not advocating that one should place an undue priority on appearance because character is key and physical attraction can develop over time. However, you either are or you aren't physically attracted to someone and that's OK. The sooner you are honest with yourself about chemistry, the better. Also, if you find yourself feeling bored during your first kiss, it's probably a no-go.
Dress Down for Success: Authors of dating articles like to advise people to, "Be yourself," but being yourself with a new date is easier said than done.
There’s more to it than you think
You might find it easier to feel like yourself if you dress like yourself. I'm not one who enjoys keeping up with the latest fashion trends, so near the end of my online dating run, I started wearing my favorite clothes. Ultimately, I felt more authentic which caused me to act more confidently.
It's possible I turned some dates off with my worn logo tees and flat-heeled shoes, but I'm glad I waited for someone to accept me for who I am, not someone I was trying to imitate. If a date didn't like my everyday appearance, it was better for us to move along, anyway. My husband and I occasionally dress up for date nights, but prefer to spend our time at home in sweatpants. Of course, this is all not to say one should ignore basic hygiene considerations. After a day or so, send her one more message.
Use every message as an opportunity to highlight your positive qualities and traits — the whole point of an online dating conversation is to build attraction. But how many messages should you exchange before you ask her out? Luckily for you, our team of online dating experts reviewed thousands of online dating conversations that resulted in dates for our male clients. But to get her to say yes, you have to ask her out the right way.
Never just suggest meeting for drinks — doing that will torpedo your chances of success. For even more essential tips on how to ask a girl out online, click here.
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