I never thought to date a Western guy until I met my English ex-boyfriend.
Seven Reasons Not to Date a Foreigner in China
He showed me a new culture, lifestyle and gave me a new perspective on the world, our relationship, and even myself. That was the beauty of having a relationship with a Westerner. My education and life experience made me a strong and independent woman. It scares a lot of Chinese guys, who look for a typical "good woman" by the standards of their parents. With my Western boyfriend, I didn't have to pretend to be a "cute and naive woman," and I am not afraid of who I am. Chinese society is getting more open, however, dating a white guy in China is not easy.
Sometimes, I get discriminated against by Chinese men on the street. They shouted rude words and they tried to start a fight in a bar for no reason. If they believe foreign white men lure away Chinese women, why can't they lure us back by having better manners and treating women better? One of my best Western friends is going to marry the man she met in China next year.
Love happens, when you are patient. The author worked for the Guardian Beijing office as a researcher and news assistant, and is currently studying for a Master of Arts in Journalism in University of Technology, Sydney. This is all the more pronounced due to China's rise recently.
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Unfortunately the past is difficult to get away from and some lash out at their own history and culture. Such coping mechanisms are well documented. What isn't as well documented is the fact that coping with inferiority complexes affects all areas in dealing with foreigners today, including relationships. Putting aside the viral stories of Chinese companies using token foreigners as a sign of being "international," we can see this skewed perception of reality demonstrated by those who only date foreigners.
The excuses are hollow for both "it is just business" and "it is just love" are just masks by the one who doesn't have the courage to acknowledge their inferiority complex, that they worship foreigners and that it plays a central role in their decision-making.
Those with inferiority complexes naturally seek acceptance from those they perceive as superior. In China and indeed much of the rest of the world, this means seeking the acceptance of white foreigners.
What is even more disturbing is this need for acceptance pushes that person to do irrational and illogical things. Western entertainment has a long history of emasculating Asian men and sexually fetishizing Asian women. What this means is that Asian men are never portrayed in a romantic way and Asian women are portrayed as submissive sex objects, usually with white men. What this means is that foreign men have the impression that Asian women are easy and they are entitled to them. While giving foreign men a confidence boost, it warps their perception to the point it is not about people, but objects.
They live in a city and are about middle class. For example, I have 2 male cousins close to my age who married earlier than me. He works part time jumping from job to job as is the custom with a lot of people his age without a college education in China.
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My other cousin lives in the countryside. What you would consider the rural area. He works random jobs as well but helps with the family farm. They have a kid as well last I heard. So I want to stress the effect of your family in determining your chances of finding a spouse.
Why Chinese men lag behind foreigners when it comes to dating and casual sex - Global Times
You have a pretty large pool to work with. If you walk down any given street, you will find that almost all shopkeepers are women. Chinese shops will typically hire young single women to be the face of their business, and job listings have no qualms saying they only want attractive females to apply and to please supply a photo on their applications. Also, males and females are brought up to not interact with each other.
Boys form close friendships with other boys, girls with girls. What this does is it creates a barrier between the sexes, and many young men and women find it extremely difficult to start dating. From what I gather, this thread seems to have a very negative view of Chinese women. Dating in China is not that much different than dating in the US. The same qualities sought after by women in China are the ones that are sought after by women in the states and all over the world In China they have a saying that women want tall, rich, and cute — gao, fu, shuai.
And just like women all over the world, Chinese girls will take a variety of things into account when choosing a guy, money being one of them.
Would you be willing to marry into the family of a farmer? Choices like this are very common throughout China and given this choice, most western women would choose the same. Can you blame them? Marriage in China is much more sacred than it is in the United States, you get to have 1 child for your entire life, you are expected to have that child before 25, and when you get married, you are expected to stay married. Getting divorced is highly frowned upon regardless of the situation, and your damaged reputation might prevent you from ever remarrying.
I can say that I know for a fact that western women can and do break up with men for exactly the same reasons that Chinese women. Chinese women, more often than not, are just like normal girls. The international students who go to my University many of whom came from fabulously wealthy families were more than willing to date non-wealthy guys, even guys like me who look Chinese and speak Chinese eliminating foreign mystique.
Most of them were getting a degree so they could find a decent job and support themselves back in China. Keep in mind that these are all generalities, only based on my personal experiences.
As such, perhaps not everything I say in the following paragraphs will adhere to every person, Chinese or foreign. I welcome the input of our readers in the comments section below! You always hear about foreign guys coming to hook up with innocent Chinese girls and then leaving them the next day. The topic is a perennial favorite on Chinese forums and Weibo.
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These criticisms are 1 patronizing to the women who date foreign guys 2 slightly xenophobic and 3 not entirely unfounded. Not all, but some. Yet, the thing that tends to be left out of this discussion in the Chinese blogosphere, is that the people themselves are only acting as agents for the cultures in which they grew up. The heart of this issue comes from the fact that dating, relationships and sex in Western countries is far more casual than in China, even in bigger, more metropolitan cities like Beijing and Shanghai. What is not on the table, in most cases, is sex.
The parents will get a say in the matter, if not out-right organize the whole relationship. On top of this, the parents are also heavily influenced by their neighbors and siblings and grandparents and the security guard and the vegetable lady they buy xincai from, right on up to Xi Jinping himself. If you are dating a Chinese, this will be an issue, because they will feel the downward pressure from everyone above them in the generational line. Even if a girl or guy feels more independent and wants to date whoever they want, they will almost always take these family ideas into consideration, even if only on a subconscious level.
For many of us, China is just a pit stop. Possibly a seven or eight year pit stop, but a pit stop nonetheless. That being said, if you are able to provide that stability, even if you are a foreigner, you will have a much easier time with the potential in-laws. If things are going well with your Chinese partner and you can really see a legitimate future together, there will come a day when you have to make a decision about where to live and raise a family.