I wouldn't say I was dating a woman until we'd been intimate; before that I'd be "kind of seeing her" or something. I've given up trying to squirm out of "Is that your boyfriend? Fortunately for you, there does exist a Recommended Standardized Guide to the Bases. I think a key aspect to keep in mind is American views of privacy and property.
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When meeting someone new who you wish to get to know, with the possibility of becoming romantic, you set up a "date" at a neutral public place. The movies, or a coffee shop, or whatever. Only after one or more of these meetings go well do you invite the person "back to your place" for a more intimate meeting. American's homes are generally places of refuge and solice. Being invited into someone else's home is a big step in a friendship.
And stepping in to someone's home who you don't know well can be an uncomfortable situation. This is especially true for younger, city-dwelling people, who often live in studio or one bedroom apartments; not only are you entering their home, but you're also entering their bedroom an even more private sanctuary. Thus the need for a netural dating arena. There've been people I've slept with on the, whatever, say third date who find out that I first slept with X someone from my past on the 4th date who then get upset and wonder if I now think they're a slut.
There's a great scene in Carnal Knowledge an excellent movie everyone should see if they haven't bit'a spoilers where characters Sandy m and Susan f are out in the woods and Sandy puts his hand on her breast. She asks why he's doing it and he says "because it's our third date and you should let me do this on the third date. You should at least let me kiss you twice this week.
Meanwhile, in another part of the movie, she fucks another guy on the third date, no questions asked. Things sometimes happen faster, sometimes slower. Also, I am in Atlanta, in the heart of the bible belt and where the question of separated or divorced often becomes an issue.
Since I only dated three women there, I did not think that was big enough of a sample to draw much in the way of conclusions. Of those three, one was a disaster of personality conflicts, one led to sex the first night, and the third I met online Sunday morning, rendezvoused at a restaurant that afternoon, had one drink and split a salad, and then went straight to her place where we were both naked on the couch before the third song of some Andrea Bocelli CD.
Could you explain what you mean by this?
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To me it implies that marriages are arranged by third parties, and that men and women have no social contact other than as fellow participants in mass cultural outings or the like. Dating is basically getting together with someone you like and are potentially at least sexually interested in with a view toward more intimate potentially exclusive involvement.
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Do you not do that? If not, how do you get together? Dating is basically getting together repeatedly with someone you like and are potentially at least sexually interested in with a view toward more intimate potentially exclusive involvement. If not, how do you find a partner? I suspect Portugal is a lot like, say, Spain, where assuming what I learned in high school Spanish class was correct young people tend to go out in groups "en grupo" rather than pairing off from the get-go.
Once you start doing things as a couple, things are rather more serious than mere "dating" -- you're committed, possibly engaged. She said for her, I guy will not pay all until they are living together which was also the same for her. Add, as far as paying went for us, we planned the dates never thinking whom pays for what.
Now opening the door for her was another story So her dating scheme may have been tied in to a couple lacking money individually. No, he's right, there aren't any dates in the UK.
At least, I haven't had any. Other people talk about them all the time, but I think they're bullshitting. I got engaged to my husband the day before our first date. Did he get to first base? I shouldn't have said disagree, Mischief. More like, my life—young, northern—seems to be different. Because of course you can't be wrong about how things have worked for you. Also, there is a high amount of chance encounters where two strangers get talking and it proceeds from there.
Engaging someone in conversation or trying to is a skill acquired early and people learn to deal with polite or rude! It's funny that a man of the world such as yourself should imagine that a sunny, sexy Latin country like Portugal could ever be repressed. Or perhaps you were pulling my leg Thank you all so much for the careful explanations. I now have an idea of how broad a deal this dating thing is - there goes another stereotype! That's always so liberating.
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Miguel, what would you do without your stereotypes? I think you'd be quite lost. Of course we date in the UK, or at least some of us do. To think that we are defined more by our country of residence than by our individual differences as humans is to make a very basic mistake. There is a hugely greater difference between a boy from Hicktown, Bornagainstate, USA and a girl born in the same street than there is between the boy and another male born and raised in Largecosmopolitancity, Europaland.
A date is when my husband takes me out to dinner and the baby stays with a sitter for a couple hours. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like. Honestly, the formal "date" is something I only see couples that are already together do, not couples getting to know each other. I don't think I ever dated in that sense. There were people I met and slept with, people I met and didn't sleep with, people I was friends with and sex got involved, people I was friends with and love got involved No one ever phoned me up and said "hey, how about a dinner and a movie on Saturday? Then he drove me somewhere and paid for me and put his jacket over my shoulders when I was cold, and drove me home and kissed me at the door and asked to go out again next weekend.
Yes, YA novels failed me for "real world" info. It never, ever happened remotely like that. I just kind of meshed with people, or I didn't. I find this to be true with most people I know my age, and true here or the times I've been abroad.
In Panama you're always in a group, that's how you get to know someone; in Spain, I fell into an affair. There really isn't the "dating" step. The rules or "The Rules" book of first date, second date, third date and so forth seem very archaic to me.
The most formal method I've seen used is "hey, want to go get coffee? Let's hang out sometime" and it always felt sort of awkward to "structure" it like that. I was supposed to hold out for a free dinner before I went back to his place? Just an extra step, isn't it?
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My brother is ten years younger than me and "going on a date" is a more serious thing in his set. In fact, it's got pretty much the form of old-style dating. On his first date, he even gave the girl a flower when he picked her up. The last time I used "bases" was when in high school I was forced to tell my mother more about my sex life then I ever wanted to - or she ever wanted to hear.
It's a funny story.