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About six months after a long relationship ended, I dated two men, a professor and a crazy person, basically on two opposing sides of the spectrum, for about a month simultaneously. Of course, once I met someone stellar, I stopped with the two-timing and focused my energy on one wonderful man. This is the unwritten rule of dating in the modern age.
In light of all this, I asked psychologist Irene Levine , clinical professor of psychiatry at New York University Langone School of Medicine , to demystify the allure of dating multiple people simultaneously, once and for all. I asked her why distraction works so well, and why we are so much better at not freaking out about dating when we have a couple irons in the fire, even if neither of them is actually viable. Women are planners, and those who think ahead enjoy backup plans.
Dating multiple people at once is the norm — here’s how to do it right
Just like we prefer to have an extra umbrella in the bottom of the closet and more than one pair of jeans, so too are we more able to relax when we have more than one dating partner. This results in less anxiety than when you go all in with someone. It should be said that there is definitely such a thing as running around like a headless chicken, dating far too many people to ever feel any semblance of happiness.
Though this all sounds like a brilliant plan, there may be some drawbacks.
So go slow, and pay attention to how all of this makes you feel. You may be a one-woman or one-man kind of gal, and that is totally OK. You can be dating six or eight people at a time, getting to know each of them. Some of them will "drop off" naturally as one or both of you realize you are not a good match. You don't have to tell the people you date how many people you're dating.
6 Benefits of Dating Multiple People at Once | StyleCaster
There's nothing wrong with it, and it's really important to take your time and find out who you are and what you want. It's all about being open and honest. One reason a lot of women shy away from dating multiple people is because they feel awkward about what to say if one of the people they're seeing asks them about it. Dating several people at once is not about having to hide things or about being deceitful. As I said, in the beginning, you don't have to bring up the fact that you're dating around.
All you have to do is show up, be present and connect with each person when you're with them. If someone asks you if you are dating others, you need to be honest and tell that person that you are, but that you are enjoying spending time with them. You have to be honest at every step along the way and do the right thing. If you end up liking one person more than the others and decide to see that person exclusively, you may have some awkward moments with the others, but being honest is always the right thing to do.
Use the power of choice. The most important reason to date multiple people, in my opinion, is that it is the number one best way to really find the person you're looking for. It is the best way to avoid settling for someone who might be nice and fine but not really the best person for you.
When Dating Multiple People Backfires
It is important not to underestimate the power of choice. Get out there and know that an amazing relationship is out there for you, but that you are the one who has to go find it. Finding it means meeting and interacting with as many prospective significant others as possible. Using the power of choice is the key getting what you really want in your dating life. The only way to figure out who and what you truly want in a partner is to date multiple people.
Dating more than one person is a good thing and something that should be part of your dating life. It is a great way to really take the time to understand what you want in another person -- and to know when you have found it.
Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Here are five great reasons to date multiple people -- at once: