Dating exclusive talk

But people aren't items on a grocery store isle Moving from dating to relationship for me means I have to feel like I know the person and that I want a long-term relationship with them. I don't feel that happens until after several months of dating, typically in the month range.

At this stage, we're also possibly talking about moving in together, introducing our respective families, and other longer term goals. That sounds like going from dating to serious relationship.

On Date 3 or so, you should be having one of these four conversations:

Do you not go exclusive at some point? Not OP but I would imagine that quite often both parties are just exclusive by default since it is relatively easy for two people who want a relationship to quickly narrow their options to the best available.

I guess where the problem comes in is when people are taking this more seriously and want to "play the field" to get their best option in life, not just their best accessible option, so they will want to date a little longer and the answer will depend on the individual. Incidentally, because I'm a math nerd I'll tell you the story of a famous math problem that purports to solve this very conundrum.

It is called the "fussy suitor" problem. Essentially, a person has a fixed number of people who might be willing to date them, say 10 a more attractive person might have a larger number , but you have to reject or propose to them each in real time so that nobody is kept waiting while you "shop around". So you have to decide before seeing all 10 unless you want to be stuck with the tenth person. The puzzle then is to determine the optimal "stopping time" to choose the best partner for you in this case it is the time to stop dating and propose.

The solution is really quite simply, you automatically reject the first third of your dates, and then you propose to the first person who is better than all previous dates. In other words, the only way to do better than this is to 1 beat the odds and get lucky can't rely on this , 2 date several people at once, or 3 to go back and propose to someone after rejecting them. Not sure if any of this helps but if you're dating a guy over 35 he's definitely seen enough options by now to implement this strategy if he's being realistic about his attraction level.

Going exclusive has coincided with deciding to establish a serious long-term relationship. I have generally stopped seeing other people a few weeks in but I don't ask for an exclusive commitment until I can see some sort of future with the person. But then you could be not seeing other people while your dating partner is. Unless you have that conversation you could be putting yourself at a huge disadvantage. It's not a disadvantage because it's a choice I am consciously making. I'm not going to start seeing other people just because my dating partner is.

If I want to see other people, I do.

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If I don't want to see other people, I don't. I'm not threatened by my date dating other people while they are seeing me. Wow well that's counter to what I think would be the popular sentiment. But you have to do what you're comfortable with.

It's always been one or two dates max. I don't date multiple people at the same time, and I have a sense most people don't really like formal dating in Scandinavia. It's more of an American import. Every time anything's come of meeting someone, things have naturally developed into just spending time together in no time at all. My two longest relationships started without any formal dating. After a few weeks of seeing each other multiple times a week it made sense to start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. So, then, how exactly do people date in Scandanavia?

I hear the people there are some of the quantifiably happiest in the world, so they must be doing something right. Typically between dates i should know by then if i want to go exclusive. Or in a relationship. This doesnt mean you locked in but just means not seen other people and see if it blossoms then take the next step. Whatever that step might be.

Lots of people aren't there yet. Relationships do not work the way they did for our parents and grandparents. This has its good points and bad points like anything. For me, after three dates, I am uninterested in continuing to date them if they are unwilling to commit to exclusivity. I find it really difficult to build a long-term relationship with a third person in the picture. I think that is really unrealistic in the online and modern dating world. Nearly everyone is at least talking to multiple people. Despite how anxious I get in dating, I would prefer to move very slowly in any romantic relationship, including sex.

I've learned I fall too quickly for people and I need to really make sure I know a person well before I make any kind of commitment. So I wouldn't probably even consider sex until around the 5th date and would not talk exclusivity until at least the 10th date, no matter how much I liked the guy. I wouldn't even intentionally be dating other men, but just busy with my own life and doing other things. This is not the pattern I've followed in the past, but it's what I've decided to do now after being devastated a very short-term relationship didn't work out.

I have stopped putting timelines on these things ever since I came out of my last relationship. I think you just know when you know re: And not having a timeline on it is pretty freeing. I don't really plan to be exclusive again. I might consider the option if I am going to cohabitate. I would be further encouraged to become exclusive once I fill my sexual desires and fantasies - I am never entering into a relationship again where I have to "negotiate" for fantasies, so I plan to fulfill them before I am exclusive again.

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This is not going to please your friends who are worried about you and want to protect you from broken hearts and STIs. Just be safe and speak up the moment you feel uneasy, because your feelings matter. I know that it is so, so temping to get into a feelings talk over text. A really safe way to begin is from a health perspective.

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So start with that. Be prepared for the ghost. They may react really well when you talk to them and then slowly stop texting and trying to see you.



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Ghosting is in fact the worst because it makes you question every little action you took—but know that there is NOTHING wrong with expressing your feelings. Winging it can get you pretty far in life, and if you feel confident in your improv skills then ignore this tip and carry on. Sit down with a pen and paper, or with your BFF, and compose a rough outline of what you want to say.