How do we date and hopefully grow a loving relationship with a deserving adult while raising our children?
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Single parents can be plagued with guilt about their failed relationship and crippled by the fear of the reaction their children may have to a new love relationship in our lives. Here are some basics to keep in mind as you work your way toward losing your single status.
Back On The Market: Tips On Dating While Co-Parenting
Our children should know that we are going out to enjoy time with other adults but they do not need to know anything about who we date early on. We need to spend time separate from our children getting to know those we are dating.
No need to spike anxiety in our children with someone who may not last past the first few dates. Test the waters about your children from the start. You have children whom you are responsible for in many ways and a potential mate needs to know this and be supportive. Being tired and uninspired to get dressed and get out is not an acceptable excuse on this dating journey. Being tired because you went out on the town should be a no-brainer. Wonderful will not find you on your couch.
Let the children gradually become familiar with your mate before they have to meet them. Have them come over to the house for a short amount of time, like an hour or two. Consider Love, Lindsay your digital Cupid. My daughter's mother and I have been separated for several years now. We didn't work out, but we still get along very well as far as co-parents go. We do things together with our daughter as co-parents on a regular basis. I stay at her mom's house for a plate of food on Thanksgiving, still receive my own individual invite for her mother's aunt's Easter party every year, we attend car shows together, we both attend birthday parties that our child was invited to if able, and just general child-friendly events altogether.
This even goes as far as me being invited to spend short periods at their beach house with them if they wish to plan a trip that infringes on my time with her.
Back On The Market: Tips On Dating While Co-Parenting
I grew up with her mom as a best friend and then we dated for six years before splitting. Her family members and I still interact as friends with working on cars and general friendship outside of her and I having a child together. Since starting dating I have kept her mother's and my interactions to only local events such as birthday parties, sporting events, and getting a plate at her mom's house this past Thanksgiving.
My girlfriend has a lot of trouble with us getting along so much. She has voiced to me we are messing with our child's view of how co-parents should get along and are doing things very wrong. It is at a point in our relationship where this is going to be a deal breaker. She believes we cannot spend this time together with our daughter the way we have been. The most recent argument we had was my daughter was invited to a birthday party with her preschool friends on my time and she [her mother] came along for the duration of the party. This was unacceptable in her [my girlfriend's] eyes. Am I in the wrong?
All your relationship questions answered — right here, right now.
Nobody ever said co-parenting would be easy, probably because every ex-couple is trying to figure it out as they go. So while this concept has begun to gain more attention thanks to social media , it's important to remember the way you and your daughter's mom co-parent is not going to look the same as another couple's co-parenting.
Exes who can both be in attendance at child oriented activities, family holidays, etc. Exes who wait until a new romantic relationship is solid and 'time-tested' before introducing a new partner into the mix.
Love, Lindsay On Co-Parenting And Dating
Considering the circumstances, it sounds like you and your co-parent are already doing a pretty great job incorporating these characteristics into your daughter's life. Even on those days when you might not nail each and every one, take heart in knowing that you and your daughter's mom are navigating a tricky, ever-changing situation, and you're working together to do it. Spock can only do so much; the rest is trial and error. Now, on to your girlfriend. Her issue with your co-parenting may not have anything to do with the arrangement itself, but from her own insecurity in how she fits into the bigger picture of your life.
Because your daughter is so young, it makes sense that both you and your ex want to spend as much time as possible with her, regardless of the situation. So while I do think a child-friendly event, like a birthday party, is a totally appropriate place for you to interact with each other, the occasion doesn't actually matter. Neither of you should have to sacrifice precious moments in your daughter's life just because your girlfriend isn't percent comfortable with the situation.
That said, you can and should do what you can to make your girlfriend as comfortable as possible, so long as it doesn't infringe on your ability to co-parent. It's totally understandable for a current partner to worry that your romance could be rekindled when you're already on such friendly terms with your ex.